wedding cake: is this really the new white?

Dear Handy Girl,
Oh being beautiful is so hard. What with changes in fashions over the years, I remember when I was younger there where just a few colours, orange, blue, green, yellow, red, pink etc. But now the colours have new names that I don't understand! Lemon, mauve, fuschia, salmon...HandyGirl, could you tell me how to keep up with the trends and fads without spending my hard earned money on magazines or scaring women in clothing stores by using the words "hip" or "fab" when speaking of the "in" clothes?
Yours truly,
TotalFashionReject

dear total fashion reject,
when i was in new york last year, i attended a lecture on trend forecasting at the fashion institute of technology. apparently, people are paid in the seven figures for the job of forecaster, and their predictions are consumed by a multitude of industries, from apparel and accessories, to beauty, design, cars and food, airlines, banks and the list goes on. trend concepts are a commodity and they are bought and sold for the sole purpose of making money.

i learned that there is chaos in the world and that everyone needs to eat, so the theme for spring/summer 2006 was going to be food. i also learned that the year before, trends were inspired by emotion and the year before that, it was age. apparently, white on white would be coming, blending natural fibres with opaque simplicity. colours such as wedding cake and whipped cream would produce sweetness and we would also start to see the appearance of various cereal shades, along with pea green, crepe, hummus, walnut, garlic, basmati, tobacco, ginger and mother of pearl. uh-huh, mother of pearl, indeed!

the thing is, all of it is an illusion. being with the times means fully embracing the here and now. right now is all there is, and if right now, a person feels good wearing yellow, then that person looks good wearing yellow, whether it's lemon, banana, canary, rubber duckie or just plain old yellow. beauty comes from the inside and extends outward, not the other way around. someone could be done up in the most expensive and exquisite couture designer frock, but if they aren't comfortable, then they aren't displaying their true self to the world, and the world really needs everyone to be themselves so that we can succeed at doing all the amazing and wonderful things we are here to do. so, if being beautiful comes down to just being yourself, then being beautiful should not be that hard at all. hmmm....could it all really be that simple?

when you go into a store, you are a target. the store wants your money and the sales people try to make you spend it. most sales people don't know you at all, and they may offer up options that aren't really suited to your personality. also, we are limited by what is hanging on the rack, which can be frustrating, like during most of the eighties, for example. the best thing to do is trust your own judgement and politely decline assistance, or go shopping with someone who knows you well. we are conditioned to dress a certain way and i think it's a great idea to always try on something that is a tad foreign to you, as a little open-minded experiment. if it feels good and you feel good then it is good, so go ahead and celebrate change.

instead of the handle, 'total fashion reject', i would be honoured to bless you with the handy new name, 'reject total fashion'. as for the lingo, i am suggesting that you keep on using words like fab and hip. without a million dollar invoice in the mail, i am forecasting that fab and hip will soon be fab and hip again. you are now the fabulous hipster, and that doesn't cost a penny.