handy girl

Changing tires, changing diapers and changing minds all over town...


love or karma: which comes first?

Hey Handygirl.
Got a problem. Hope you can help. I hang around this fella, he and I have a lot in common. He has a girlfriend, she lives away so they haven't seen one another in awhile and won't until September. So, I am interested in him, I know I shouldn't be. BUT I think he could be interested in me. BUT I am not sure. Is he just a nice guy, or is there another reason we are always at the same place at the same time? Fate or Coincidence? Do I have to make an ass of myself to find out? Ahhh! I think about it all the time, I need your help!
Thanks in advance,

dear limbo girl,
once upon a time, there was a man who travelled a lot with work. when he was out of town, he would hang around with this gal and they had a lot in common. often, he wouldn’t see his partner for a while, and on one of his out of town jaunts, they both decided to express their “interest” in each other. they were always in the same place at the same time. fate? coincidence? or just two people making asses of themselves?

it was many months before their little secret was discovered, the events of which set in motion years of heartache, karmic balancing acts and feats of strength. you see, when you mess with someone else’s partner, bad things happen. if not right away, then eventually. this is a hard and fast rule with no exceptions. sure, many people need a way to get themselves out of a relationship, but that catalyst doesn’t have to be y-o-u.

but, you may ask, what if they aren’t meant to be together? how could it be bad? how could the coupling of two people who care about each other be wrong? why would the undercover karmic police officers hand out a ticket for something that seems so right?

the answer is simple. there is a third person involved here, a person with feelings and attachments, a person who is composing chapters of her life without knowing that some other chick has the white-out on the go and is putting a quill to paper in an attempt to rewrite what she thinks should happen. yikes!

okay, so some people would say that this girlfriend has lessons to learn in life. some would say that she needs to be with a guy who cheats in order to learn about what she really wants in a relationship. like a guy who doesn’t cheat, for example. some would say that she is a bee with an itch, or insecure, or whiney or not a nice person, and it is her karma that manifested another woman. ya, ya, ya, let’s blame the girlfriend instead of being responsible.

imagine that his girlfriend is you. how would you feel when you returned to town and found him in the arms of some other girl? or how about this: imagine for a moment that his girlfriend is your sister, cousin or best friend. how would you feel about telling her that you are now the woman in her man’s bed? the final test of right or wrong, moral or immoral, is the scariest one, but also the most accurate. what would your mother say if she knew what was going on? there are so many men out there. you do not need to move in on one who is already involved with someone else.

i am more likely to believe there is another reason the two of you end up in the same place at the same time. here are some handy possibilities: your moral compass is being tested, you are actually meant to be friends with his girlfriend, he has a friend who is perfect for you, he is sleeping with your sister, your friend, the entire population?

twenty years ago i was in a relationship with a man i loved dearly, who was perfect for me. the problem was, i was too young to realize it at the time. i figured that because we had no conflict and got along so well, that something was wrong. silly old bear. we ended up in other relationships, short and long term, and now, two decades later, we are both single again. i don’t know what will happen next. i do know that sometimes the timing isn’t right, sometimes you need to take twenty minutes or twenty years to think about it.

so here is my handy advice: take some time to think about it. is a roll in the hay worth getting fleas? do you want to be a contributor to another woman’s pain? sheesh girl, us gals need to stick together! look around you. see who is truly available. be aboveboard and honest in your dealings at all times. most importantly, have faith. there are so many other paths to take, but if you are meant to be with this man, the universe will pave the way. good luck.


Blogger LJ said...

damn. gonna think a lot about this one.

2:32 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would have to say that is very good advice. good job, i love your blog : )

11:28 p.m.  
Anonymous AntiElvis said...

Speaking as someone who just got out of a 10-year long distance relationship... depending on the circumstances, she might be doing him a favour. But that's just my experience from my circumstances.

1:31 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wonder if this is the same person who wrote to you about always wondering if she will 'do it' with her males friends, and hence has none? such women = woe to the sisterhood.

5:37 p.m.  
Blogger Cavalock said...

Good advice. I wish more pple would believe in the Karmic Police…

11:38 p.m.  
Anonymous SammyP in TX said...

Stumbled across your site somehow, leapfrogging from one to another to another.

Sage, sane advice that. Sounds like you speak from experience, pay attention—and distill it all down and string words together into sensible sentences—and aren't down on us men!!! We need more women like you!

8:59 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It seems like everyone I know these days is either getting married or breaking up from a serious relationship.
Do you think the gay and lesbian marriage issue is catylizing a unconscious reaction in people to rethink what marriage is really about?

11:25 p.m.  
Anonymous julia said...

hello!!! im so glad you could stop by my work and entertain me for a while. this is a heads up about my prom pics. when we get together ill print off some of my faves and bring them along for you to do with what you will.

10:55 p.m.  
Anonymous Mollis molloy said...

might have posted this twice, my computer's doing weird things.... hey hey!! it's your old roommie!! i'm so sorry I havn't been in contact and that I didn't get a chance to give you and your fabulous daughter your xmas gifts while we were both on the rock... i came by grandma's many times, but never the right time... i looked for the show and it turns out that here its only airing the newfoundland version.... arg!!
i'm coming back to hali in february (i'm staying the first couple of days of the month cause me aunt peggy got me a catering job to feed david suzuki local vegetarian food - and how can you pass up such an opportunity?)
i miss you and hope everything is going well. see you soon handy-G!
ps. how do I get bike grease out of my pants??
oh! and pps. i got a whole bunch of 100% wool sweaters and started shrinking them.... felted hats, here I come....

8:21 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay. Here's one for you. A casual friendship with a woman at work has turned into a problem for me. I have become very attracted to her and there is a compulsion to take it further. This will not happen in the foreseeable future. Why? She is happily married and I'm friends with her husband who works there also. I too am happily married. My wife works there as well. We are all friends who work together and are in the same social circles. So we see each other a lot. Sometimes I try to avoid her or eye contact with her to the point of possible rudeness. Other times I just have to go talk to her. Nothing seems right. It's like I am a pubescent boy again. Then I would have just went for it, probably making a fool of myself, but then it would be over. Painful, but over. I don't have that option now. There are 3 others who I care about and don't want to hurt. Once in the past I confided in my wife that I was attracted to another. It didn't go over well at all. I promised myself I would never do that to her again. That situation was remedied when the other women moved from the area. I have never cheated on my wife and never well. I believe in our marriage, but never expected I'd have a stupid problem like this. It's not like I can just stop feeling as I do. Can you imagine a solution that will not hurt anyone?


3:43 a.m.  

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